Tired

Tired~~tired~~~extremely tired~~~hard to describe my tiredness now...Morning class from 9.30am - 3.30pm, after that heavy rain...waiting rain to stop but it was so heavy rain then i choose to walk to main campus by sharing one small umbrella with my classmate...after that went to office stay until 6pm...continue with peacock dance practice..After that went to interview supermarket...Until 11pm only manage to come back home....i am so tired....5 assignments plus Final Year Project....Why life so tough and tired....still need continue like this one month plus...Tired with my life,everyone holiday enjoy and study but i work,everyone after class go back rest but i work,everyone weekend go relax but i work.....Haiz,when can i enjoy my life? As i always think that is fine for me to work a lot since i am young but when the time passing,i will feel why i do not have lifestyle? why i never enjoy the time of being a student at least? haiz,this is life.....I just want a good rest....

My 1st blog in Chinese

最近的心情反反复复，不知怎么觉得很累。。。看到了很多人及见了很多事让自己觉得很烦。。。之前因为表弟结婚，结果回到了那个充满我的怨恨的地方。。。见到让我没有快乐还伤害过我的人。。。有时会觉得为什么他们会活得比我好。。。人性真得很可怕，当你什么都不是的时候，那些人不会去理会你是谁，当你成功的时候他们却来献殷勤，二十多年连正眼也不看你的人却会说你是他的家人，人原来可以假得那么可怕。。。

见到那群伤害过你的人，他们一点愧疚感都没有时，总会觉得为什么没有天理。小时候也许会害怕的躲起来但现在的我却会告诉自己我从来没做错为什么要把自己给埋藏起来。。。很感谢自己一个人可以走到今天，那么勇敢用双眼直视那群连一个小宝宝都可以以残忍手段对付的人，告诉它们我不是以前的我。。。报应总有一天会来，人不管做什么一定要对得起天地良心。。。

勇气，勇敢，倔强，凶悍等等都是朋友对我的解说。。。可是那是我想的吗？我并不想。。。但我不能，我要过的好过得坚强就得让自己成为那样的我。。。朋友说我的笑容隐藏着难过。。。难道我多年的辛苦就快爆发即使用笑容也埋藏不了吗？我相信我可以的因为我应该感激自己走到了今天而不是很早的就死去。。。

心里其实堆积了好多好多的往事。。。伤痛的背后是留下很多道数不清的疤痕，疤痕永远都不会消失一直到生命中最后一刻它还是会历历在目。。。感谢伤痕让我变得那么坚强，感谢伤痕让我成长，感谢伤痕让我记得所有人对我做的事。。。也要感谢伤害我的人让我可以跌倒了在站起来。。。

累了，这两个字不是单是说我的外表，也说了我的心。。。很累，有时候真的希望睡了就别醒但是我不能，因为我告诉我自己不能倒下，我还有我的梦想，我还要找回我的自由。。。我还要站在伤害我的人们面前大声告诉他们我过得很好。。。

Tears

Today,i talk to her...She said if she is the one,she will be appreciate...Does it mean i do not know how to appreciate? My tears slowly came out from my eye...i try myself to be strong but i can't...I thought at least she can understand me but i am wrong...Nobody understand my feeling...Nobody understand what i have been through until i became like this...If don't know my feeling please do not say something i feel is hurt...Life full of why...Life full of question marks...And who know it? Nobody know nor understand it...Just let it be...Heart feel sad,very sad because of nobody understand the feeling inside...But i think no point for anyone to understand it...As life still need to going on....Until the day i stop breathing.....Please be silent if don't understand my needs and wants....

Today's feeling

Everyday wake up in the morning, we need to thank God give us a chance to stay alive...no matter what happen in a day,just put it aside....there might be a solution maybe not now but future...Try myself to be happy every moment because i dont know when i will be leaving the world...

I always tell my friends, if one day i leave this world please do not feel sad about it...Because it might be freedom for me, free from everything....Leaving just a process of human being,the human life cycle....God Sakyamuni Buddha spent his entire life to discover how to prevent sick and die...He give up his luxury life just because he wanted to help the people in the world...But at the end,he was passed away...A lot of things in our life are out of our control...For me, if one day i leave the world,i will not feel sad or reluctant to part because that is nothing value for me to miss...

Life is so unpredictable, you not gonna to know what will be happen next second...What you get from the world, you need to return it back to the world...You will not bring anythings along with you....