Evil Diary

As usual i do not update my blog~~~so sorry with my blog~~~Today realized got anonymous comment in my blog, damn funny wei...i do not know why she want to do this but if she see this post i just want to tell her that i am not interest with her "Boy" and better go ask the person what's wrong and not come my blog to do childish things. Anything let's meet up and settle,i am not that kind of girl that do bull shit thing. Yeah,i am that kind of girl who do not like to explain but since the anonymous think too much so let's talk face to face.

wah....few days didnt update my blog.....no new picture so sad(actually is lazy upload)......Monday service my braces then continuosly few days damn pain...haiz,very regret to wear braces actually,spent money spent time,spent ugly and make myself painful and suffer....yesterday pain until lying down in the room didnt go my sis's shop working....Today,i am feeling better so decide to go work....her husband shop is located in ulu tiram which are 40 minutes away from my hometown....Nothing special,everyone still said i became more skinny...The happy things is i saw Tina,she shouting and hugging me when she realise i am back,her eye a bit red look like almost crying out but i choose to keep quiet so that she wouldnt cry in the shop......Quite happy to see those malay workers,they are silly but is cute for me....As usual,work until 11pm then back to my sis's house...this can consider my house ady since i always stay here when having holiday......After few days,today is the time for me to take internet oksigen (those who addicted with internet)......i open my email and saw an email from my dearest friend Princess Bee,i feel a bit heart pain,heart pain about what happen to her this few years.....My heart and mind start to be very confuse... I am stupid bitch idiot as i think......This two week will be the time for me to think what i want.....

Today nothing special,woke up at 3pm but do nothing....watch tv,watch tv,thats all my day....now only want start to do my assignment... my heart tell my brain ''Is the time for you to study and do your assignment ady!'' Hope my brain will listen to it....This few weeks i have change a lot that i never realise.Yesterday my friend told me ''esther,you are source of inspiration but why this few weeks you are different? Why u suddenly dissapear?" but actually i also don know what's going on with myself...lazy time ady past,is the time for me to cheer up. Nowadays i am very worry about my FYP proposal,maybe i give myself too high expectation until i do nothing. Where is my unique idea? Senior ask me don worry cos is just a proposal which i can keep on change before i start my FYP but for me it is important to determine who i am or which level of knowledge that i have....idea,idea, where are you??? Boring sunday,cheer up my life.....

Now only realise i can straight away wrote so much blog in one day..Oops,now is ady 12.25am that mean 2nd day ady..i am a person who easy to depress.. Last week heard from my mum that my aunt depress until she suicide,luckily now ok but in hospital. The symptom like me always heard many voice surrounding,i hate that feeling..But luckily i still know how to make myself happy...i don know what i want..sometime,i will suddenly cry or go away from everyone,i don like that kind of me but i don know what to do...Life is so complicated and tired.Sometime i was wondering why i cant just rest in the coffin and let my life going to be end. I am so silly...Suddenly feel depress,don know what will be in my future,i keep on finding what i want or needs but is hard to get.I am very stubborn girl,nobody can advice me or consolate me....Life is in my hand now,i hope i can keep going on....Maybe i make myself too pressure,i want to do everythings very well and perfect...Evertime i just show people i am strong and clever but is it a true of me?i also cant answer it.....Life,i hope i will be happy.....

Last few weeks keep on gastric pain..Even went to hospistal ady but still same condition....medicine,medicine,medicine....what a life is? Now i start to take care of my healthy (maybe)....Doctor said'' No coffee,No chocolate,No spicy,No stress",oh my god,is whole package which i love...how was my life whithout those things? i cant imagine...mum said it can be my mentally problem which i think if i sick i can prevent go to uni,haha...i don think is true....cos is really pain like hell. but this few days the condition become better..This maybe because of i eat a bit a bit only and whitout coffee life....But the things is even getting better,my lazyness become more worse....i never study or do my assignments...i don know what i am doing,just very tired and sleepy....one weeks mid sem break i just spent it for my gastric pain and my lazyness..The other 7 weeks coming,if i didnt study i going to be die soon...hope i can get the power straight away lead me to graduate,is really wonderful no need think too much....Life,KL life is worse for me..i face many things here,lost my best friend,a lot problem here and etc....wish i can be more strong and strong...

haha,long time never blogging.....since that day my e-marketing lecturer mr jonathan ask whole class '' who is a blogger'' then my answer is ''i am an ex-blogger''. Sir felt weird so asking me ''why ex-blogger?'' and my answer of course is "because i am lazy"....haha,but now a bit guilty,so come back to my blogger life....so,welcome back to blog esther.....hope this time will be last long... Any why my blog is "evil diary"???guess...guess...actually i also don know but i think myself is a evil,blog is a part of my diary so is call "evil diary''....